I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
