She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
