Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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