his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
