Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
