How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
