Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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