i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
