Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
