Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
