Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
