I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
