Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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