it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he thought i was a dude.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
