just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My life is pants optional.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
