All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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