I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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