she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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