so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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