Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
