You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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