I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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