Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
