I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
