i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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