So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
