well I can't set my house on fire every night
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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