yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize