Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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