my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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