I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
