Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
