peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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