So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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