So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i've created a new STD.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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