He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
