mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
