It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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