He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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