So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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