You smell like a Billy Joel song
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
