U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
