my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
