After last night, I could never be a politician.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
They have beer where we have blood.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
