Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
