god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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