I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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