Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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