that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
