If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
