I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
