Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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