omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
