She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
