Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
