It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
