how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
