I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
