You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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