official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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