I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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