I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
