I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
