...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
