I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
