We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
