the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
soo... how was my night?
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