So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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