Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
