yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
