New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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