Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize