It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
