Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
