I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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