I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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