I can text with my tongue
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
